♥ from Ecador week 22 3-3-2020

It’s been awhile!  Lots has happened since I last emailed.   I survived CARNAVAL!  After our last appointment the night before we were supposed to stay indoors- we were on our way home in the dark and we unexpectedly became the target of some early celebrators' roof top water balloon launch.  I heard something hit the wall next to my head- it was a hard loud sound and water splashed everywhere.   It really freaked me out.  Then my companion screamed, “run” (in Spanish) and water started exploding all around us. Water balloons were coming hard and fast—and luckily not with great aim.   I heard a bunch of people shouting, “blanquita, blanquita!” You know what I learned after that?  I can run really fast in a skirt. 😊 My companion and I tried to run into a store, but there were a bunch more guys with water balloons in the store- so somehow we got separated--my companion ran in one store and I ran in another.  I looked over my shoulder and I saw a boy chasing me and he followed me into the tienda (he was probably 10 years old)  When I stopped- he held out my agenda…I must’ve dropped it running along the road.  I was so grateful to have it back…what a sweet little guy in the middle of all that to follow me- even though it kind of added to the panic I was feeling in the moment.  hahaha.   It would have been a disaster to lose the details of our contacts/appointments etc that are in that agenda.   Once things settled down outside we headed to our house.    It wasn’t exactly the type of persecution I expected to face as a missionary—hahaha.  Scripture rewrite: “Blessed are all they who are pelted with water balloons for my name’s sake.”  Needless to say, I’ll be checking rooftops now and I better understood why our mission president wanted us to stay inside the upcoming few days of Carnaval. I actually enjoyed my time in the house, napping, snacking, and reading Jesus, The Christ. (If you haven’t read it, put it on your must-read list, it’s an incredible book.)

After Carnaval, I was grateful to be back out in the perfect Ecuador weather working again.  It was a hard week though- lots of doors shut in our face, a baptismal date that fell through (that about broke my heart), commitments that aren’t always kept, long days walking up mountains and on cobblestone streets, &  talking to strangers which can be awkward. It’s still a struggle to finish ALL my rice at lunch (so I don’t offend), and some days I just want to speak English.  I love my Preparation days when most times, I can video chat with my family- that really buoys me up like nothing else.  I get love and listening from my mom and counsel and hype from my dad.  I need both.  Something I’ve discovered is that a mission is really just a stepping stone to who I want to become- not the climax.  I’ll have the same fears, same weaknesses, same insecurities, same everything that I had felt before I was a missionary- the times that I wonder if it even matters, or if I’m enough- when the struggle seems greater than the triumphs, I remember that it’s a process.  My dad reminded me this week that ADVERSITY is the POINT!  The highs are there to encourage us and keep us going- but it’s the hardest hours of struggle and self doubt, rejection, homesickness, physical sickness, tears in the bathroom so my companion doesn’t see,  dealing with someone interested more in the messenger than the message 😉 -all of those things are the times the Lord is molding me.  And He does not leave us comfortless.  It’s not easy or comfortable- that’s because it can’t be- that’s not how it works.  I trust in “good things to come.”  And you should too. 

Don’t worry about me— I know there’s a lot of reality in this email, but really,  I LOVE this work. I LOVE Ecuador and the special people here.   I know I am on the Lord’s errand and because of that,  I have help from heaven & I feel it…and I also feel the power of your combined faith so keep those prayers (and emails) coming! 

Love,

Hermana Miller

I'm including a picture of my companion and I with beautiful Ibarra in the background and a picture of my lunch one day-- (first course)  Soup with chicken liver (dark), chicken neck (light), and chicken feet (you can tell which that is) I washed it down with rice after :)

Week 22 weekly letter to Presidente Chacon

This is to notify him of a "situation" that had developed with Sadie's district leader, Elder Hopper.  The whole thing was embarrassing and frustrating for her.  After a long time of down playing, and teasing, avoiding, and ignoring it wasn't going away, and the district and zone become aware- it finally came out in the open enough for them to hash it out.  Sadie didn't want to bother the mission president with it- but felt she needed to address it in case he heard it from other sources.  Hopefully with transfers next week she can be separated from him and move forward.  He's a good missionary, just needs to focus on the work and not our Hermana Miller.

3-3-2020

Presidente,

My companion and I are doing very well together, every week gets better and better, and as we work together in the obra and in the living together parts of it, we´ve had a lot of fun and learned so much from each other. Hermana Maldonado is so Christlike in her humility and love and patience with me and everyone we know and teach. She´s been a blessing for me.

Our investigators are struggling to keep commitments so we´ve been focusing our study on that and keeping our expectations high. Although our fechas have fallen through, they are continuing to progress and hopefully very soon we can reset some dates. I´ve come to really love the people I am teaching here and my heart yearns to see them in that white baptismal jumpsuit!!

I only marked this email as urgent because yesterday we had a sitdown with the zone leaders in our District Council and I wanted you to be able to have this information quickly. I´ve felt the need to address with you here some issues we´ve had as a district especially now that the zone leaders have been involved.

As a missionary, and as a person I am not one who seeks out drama and so my heart is heavy as I've tried to be prayerful about how to move forward.  I have not talked with you about this concern before now because I felt that since it was not initiated by me, I could just ignore, downplay, redirect attention and it would go away.  I didn't want to bother you with anything that was unimportant or something that was becoming increasingly awkward at no fault of my own.

 I have made my sister leaders aware and my companion and we've been prayerful in the past several weeks. I understand that my sole focus should be my missionary errand and that's my hearts desire and so it hurts that there has been any implication that I have thought, said or done anything contrary to that-- I have tried to not make an issue out of unwanted attention from any elders specifically my district leader.

It began months ago and I felt uncomfortable with the joking and teasing- the familiarity in general.   As I shared my concern with my companion, we decided that I should just try to distance myself, as to not encourage any unwanted attention and have less contact as to not create a more casual interaction.  My companion started answering phone calls so I wouldn't have to.

 I am honestly mortified to have drawn any negative attention.  That is not representative of my heart, my efforts, my obedience, my intention, or me.  My district leader has chosen to speak to zone leaders who did not speak to me or my companion or our sister leaders to find out a little more information and see things from all sides, before responding.

I have been thinking about transfers coming up and just have tried to wait it out and distance myself.  I am grateful for my associations with fellow missionaries. We are in this great work together.   I want nothing more than to work along side each other and serve.

Please know that my heart is all in.  I am striving to be exactly the kind of missionary the Savior needs me to be.  I have been obedient but have become somewhat of a target for unwanted attention.  That is completely unfamiliar territory to me and I want to run from it-- that's not my focus as a missionary.  I realize this is complicated and I dislike that it even needs to be addressed in an email, but my approach of trying to not let it escalate, or back away from it has not been as effective as I'd hoped. I just want to be the Lord's hermana and move forward.

And you should also know that I am just fine. Really you don´t need to worry about me, I just wanted you to have it come straight from me, because I don´t know what´s been said. Please feel free to call me if there is anything I can help clarify. I think the dust should all settle and luckily transfers are coming up at the end of the week. But I´ve already put it behind me and hope that everyone else can do the same. I love the work and I love being here in Ecuador! Thanks for everything,

Hermana Miller 

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VIDEO CHATS (Ibarra, Ecuador)

I always try to get a screen shot of us talking to Sadie on her p-day-- I won't admit how many times I've started at this pictures later in the week and just cried;  missing our missionary.  What a sweet blessing though and a whirlwind of emotions.  I always ask her if it's helping to talk to her or if it's just hard-- because usually when she sees us, the tears come- but she says it's the release she needs adn then she's ready to get back to work.  It sure is wonderful to see her and hear her-- to ask her questions and feel more involved in her missionary experience.  I am so grateful for the example she is to the kids- to me- to our family.  We are so proud of her everyday efforts to be extraordinary and to qualify for the blessings promised her as a representative of her Savior.

Ibarra:

♥ from Hermana Miller week 18 (2-4-2020)

  What a week I've had!  My first full week with my new companion (from Peru) Hermana Maldonado.  She's a very obedient missionary and a hard worker and I can learn a lot from her.  This week we've decided to just go for it and extended two baptismal dates and they both accepted!  That was really exciting in the first week of a new transfer.  It's been a little stressful dissecting our area, but in a good way that leads to increased ability and growth.  

Elder Holland came to my mission! Something that he said that I loved was, "Man's extremity is God's opportunity."  I loved that-- something to ponder on, for sure. The spirit taught me so many things as I had the opportunity to hear from a consecrated servant of the Lord, one of His apostles, a prophet of God!  What a neat experience that was.  (and yes, each missionary got to shake his hand-- he said it was an interview by the spirit) See if you can find me in the big group picture... here's your clue-- I'm wearing the skirt Sandra made. 

Another thing he said that I loved was, "In the gospel of Jesus Christ you get what you want.  God respects agency. Satan cannot force you- God will not.  So you'll get what you want,  and if you'll let Him, something better."It's so true, isn't it?  So what do we want? What are we doing to work towards that goal? 

It was a memorable week, and I passed my 4 month mark, that's crazy.  Time flies when you're having fun!  (It's work, but there is JOY in it!)  As always, thanks for the love, support & prayers.

Love, 

Hermana Miller

This mama is grateful at 17 weeks in....

Oh my heart.   It feels like a big balloon-- so big and full it might pop.  I just talked with Sadie on her pday and I feel so immeasurably full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father-- it's so amazing to hear her and see her-- the powerful testimony she has, the insight for life she's gaining, the application of every sweet and spiritual prompting and how that is a pattern for her life.  I am just so grateful that she is having this experience, that she's open to it, and all in and purposeful in intention and effort and obedient.  She is full of His light and His love.  It is the most reassuring and uplifting thing-- all the faith it took to send her-- and there she is- soaring-- taking it all in- having a marvelous refining experience, constantly resetting her focus and building her relationship with her Savior.  It is so apparent that she is on His errand-- and I know HE will match her effort, and the desires of her heart with HIS tender mercies to move mountains big and small in Ecuador while He has her there.  The continuing miracle is that this is a beginning that will continue to shape her life and her service in the church-  it will cement things in her heart that are most important- It is teaching her about love and service and doing things willingly and cheerfully, (like my mom used to always say).  I am humbled by her commitment and her ability to see the good, persevere, BE the joy, hope in good things to come and trust that the Lord is in charge.   I am so grateful for these wings she's growing- in testimony, faith and dedication to the Lord.  It is the happiest and safest feeling I've ever known as a parent and I am just so thankful and overwhelmed with love-- for her, and for my Heavenly Father-- never before have I known exactly just how much she is HIS until now.  She is becoming like Him in small and simple ways, and my heart is full.