Dear Sadie Bug,
Mom let me know about the heart to heart talk the two of you had yesterday. I’ve thought about you all day today, and I wanted to send you my thoughts and feelings about what you are feeling.
As your dad it has been, and will always be, my priesthood responsibility, stewardship, and privilege to love you and teach you the gospel. The loving part is super easy. The teaching I realize is a little more difficult, especially since you are now 20 years old :). You get to use your agency to listen to the counsel or to let it go in one ear and out the other. But either way, you know me, I am going to give my two cents.
I tried to list in my mind today some of the challenges and trials you are facing. Making this list isn’t all inclusive, and takes the liberty of my interpretation of what these challenges are for you, but here are some of what I see and hear as I talk to you and mom:
Tired of feeling like you are the only one pulling the handcart.
Frustrated that your mission president doesn’t communicate well and at times doesn’t seem like he is aware of you.
Frustrated with the “Spanish speaking culture” and all the struggles that come with this.
Companions that are challenging in many ways.
The entire pandemic environment and how that has changed missionary work.
Always feeling like you have to be the lead, either in speaking the language, being the fun one, planning, etc.
Being a transplant from Ecuador.
Not feeling like you have “changed” like you thought a mission would change you.
Not feeling like you can use your gifts and talents to be an effective missionary.
It goes without saying that I know you would never say any of this to anyone except to mom and I, or voiced in your prayers. I promise you that you are not the first to feel these things, nor will you be the last.
Let me start by saying this is going to be a very long email. You may want to read it parts. :) But as I prayerfully selected conference talks to listen to today that might give me some insight and inspiration to share with you, I felt very grateful that they all applied in so many incredible ways. I hope you feel the Spirit as you read and study these talks.
So here goes. I’ll list the talks for you to go back and read in entirety when you get a chance.
The most important thing you need to know and feel is that you are a remarkable young lady, and an outstanding missionary. Yes I am bias, but so many people see and comment to us, your parents, about how wonderful you are. You really are a special one! Secondly, you are always going to be your own worst critic. Most of us are.
When mom and I began to see our two girls plan to serve missions, we were thrilled. Mostly because we knew what a mission could do for you as individuals and what it would mean for your future families and future generations of your families. Dedicating two years of your life to your Heavenly Father, allows Him to open the windows of heaven and bless your lives. We have witnessed these blessings that have made changes in each of your characters, becoming more Christlike. What could bring more joy to a parent?
But your mission isn’t over. And many struggles and challenges lie ahead. How do you overcome these challenges and finish strong? With about 4 months to go, how can you make the most of this once in a lifetime service opportunity and finish strong? Finish the way He wants and needs you to finish?
The answer is, with all of your heart, keep trying each day to become more like Jesus Christ. “The Savior’s mission has always and forever been to serve His Father by saving His children.” Missionary Work! “And the surest way to find joy in this life is to join Christ in helping others.” That’s what you are doing Buggy, you are helping others. Whether showing kindness to a little old man that is a hoarder, or patiently serving your companion who may struggle, you are doing as Christ would do.”If we desire “to be like Jesus,”3 we should do what Jesus does, and in one astonishing sentence, the Lord explains what it is that He does: He said, “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” So keep striving to be the best missionary you can be.
“As you rise to the majesty of your stations (as a missionary), with all of your heart, might, mind, and strength, you will come to love God and keep your covenants and trust in His priesthood as you work to bless others...
I pray that you will strive, with redoubled energy worthy of this time, to serve, exercise faith, repent, and improve each day, to qualify to receive temple blessings and the enduring joy that comes only through the gospel of Jesus Christ. I pray that you will prepare to become that diligent missionary...that you have been promised you may ultimately become by being a true disciple of Jesus Christ.
May you help prepare the world for the Savior’s return by inviting all to come unto Christ and receive the blessings of His Atonement.” (Elder Lund, Finding Joy in Christ)
Loving people comes so naturally to you, it always has. It’s all the other stuff that is so frustrating. But there lies the growth, to tackle or master these challenges by becoming more like Him, taking on more of His attributes. As you lose yourself, you will find the person, missionary, you are hoping to become. “And whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” (Math 16:25)
One of the challenges you will always face as a worker/leader in the church is trying to get others to engage at the same level you feel you are. It is a little ironic that we feel this way, and at the same time see the essential and central role of agency in Plan of Salvation. :)
I think the answer to this challenge is learning to love people regardless of their current effort or capacity. If we can turn the frustrations we feel when others don’t live up to our expectations into compassion and a desire for them to want to choose to increase their capacity in becoming more like the Savior, we eliminate a lot of our challenges. I love the talk given by Sister Eubanks, By Union of Feeling We Obtain Power with God, this past conference. Here is much of it. Focus on these three principle she teaches. To have Union of Feeling, thus no contention, no being irritated on the inside or annoyed, or presumably hidden rolling of the eyes, but rather full unity of purpose, brings God’s power into our lives and work.
Mercy. Give others the benefit of the doubt, quick to forgive, quick to help. Jacob 2:17 reads, “Think of your [brothers and sisters] like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your substance, that they may be rich like unto you.” Let’s replace the word substance with mercy—be free with your mercy that they may be rich like unto you.
“My own Relief Society president recently said: “The thing I … promise … you is that I will keep your name safe. … I will see you for who you are at your best. … I will never say anything about you that is unkind, that is not going to lift you. I ask you to do the same for me because I am terrified, frankly, of letting you down.”
Joseph Smith told the sisters on that June day in 1842:
“When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what pow’r it has over my mind…
If you can try to feel this mercy towards your companion, towards your mission president, towards those that don’t keep their commitments, you are following the command of the Savior, “forgive all men..”, showing them mercy that He shows us.
2) Let your Boat have Swing.
“In 1936, an obscure rowing team from the University of Washington traveled to Germany to participate in the Olympic Games. It was the depths of the Great Depression. These were working-class boys whose small mining and lumber towns donated bits of money so they could travel to Berlin. Every aspect of the competition seemed stacked against them, but something happened in the race. In the rowing world, they call it “swing.” Listen to this description based on the book The Boys in the Boat:
There is a thing that sometimes happens that is hard to achieve and hard to define. It’s called “swing.” It happens only when all are rowing in such perfect unison that not a single action is out of sync.
Rowers must rein in their fierce independence and at the same time hold true to their individual capabilities. Races are not won by clones. Good crews are good blends—someone to lead the charge, someone to hold something in reserve, someone to fight the fight, someone to make peace. No rower is more valuable than another, all are assets to the boat, but if they are to row well together, each must adjust to the needs and capabilities of the others—the shorter-armed person reaching a little farther, the longer-armed person pulling in just a bit.
Differences can be turned to advantage instead of disadvantage. Only then will it feel as if the boat is moving on its own. Only then does pain entirely give way to exultation. Good “swing” feels like poetry.”
As I listened to this talk this morning I couldn’t help feeling that this is the way He designed it. Some with one talent, some with five, others with ten. There is no doubt that you Sadie Bug, have been given ten! But that doesn’t mean we should be frustrated by those with one. Our Heavenly Father doesn’t differentiate between the number given, it isn’t capability that is important, it’s the giving of a broken heart and contrite spirit, to strive to become more than we currently are. Yes there is usually a strong leader, yes, not all pull the handcart equally, not all can communicate well, not all are at the same place spiritually, emotionally, or any other level we want to artificially conjure up. It takes all types to make the boat swing. I love that analogy.
3) Clear away the bad as quickly as the good can grow.
In the exquisite allegory in Jacob 5, the Lord of the vineyard planted a good tree in good ground, but it became corrupted over time and brought forth wild fruit. The Lord of the vineyard says eight times: “It grieveth me [to] lose this tree.”
The servant says to the Lord of the vineyard: “Spare [the tree] a little longer. And the Lord said: Yea, I will spare it a little longer.”5
“And then comes instruction that can be applied to all of us trying to dig about and find good fruit in our own little vineyards: “Ye shall clear away the bad according as the good shall grow.”6
“Unity doesn’t magically happen; it takes work. It’s messy, sometimes uncomfortable, and happens gradually when we clear away the bad as fast as the good can grow.”
“We are never alone in our efforts to create unity. Jacob 5 continues, “The servants did go and labor with their mights; and the Lord of the vineyard labored also with them.”7
“We all beg for mercy for our sins and failures. He freely gives it. And He asks us if we can give that same mercy and understanding to each other.”
Jesus put it bluntly: “Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.”8 But if we are one—if we can spare a piece of our pie or fit our individual talents so the boat can swing in perfect unison—then we are His. And He will help clear away the bad as fast as the good does grow.”
If we can begin to see others in this way, showing mercy, realizing we all have God given talents that are different and should never be compared, and we actively get rid of the bad and replace it with good at a pace we can sustain, we will see less challenge and pediment in His work, and in our lives.
“We may not yet be where we want to be, and we are not now where we will be.”
“Our covenantal assignment is to minister, to lift up the hands that hang down, to put struggling people on our backs or in our arms and carry them. (You do this everyday Buggy) It isn’t complicated to know what to do, but it often goes against our selfish interests, and we have to try.”
Now a word about the the challenge of “the Spanish Ward Culture”. Sometimes we just don’t want to deal with it. We tell ourselves in our minds that we don’t see the growth, the change, the drive, the commitment. This is only because we compare it to our culture. But what of their humility and meekness. Their loyalty to family and their willingness to work hard for what they have. I have found myself judging what drives me crazy, but when I stand back, there is so much to admire. I’ve attached parts of Elder Jackson’s talk in October General Conference entitled Culture of Christ. As you read it, think of the unique opportunity you have in a place the Lord has placed you. I think it will shed new and refreshing light on your call to serve these wonderful people.
“It may seem that culture is so heavily embedded in our thinking and behavior that it is impossible to change. It can be such a strong influence that we can fail to see the man-made weaknesses or flaws in our own cultures, resulting in a reluctance to throw off some of the traditions of our fathers. An overfixation on one’s cultural identity may lead to the rejection of worthwhile—even godly—ideas, attributes, and behavior.
Many of our world’s problems are a direct result of clashes between those of differing ideas and customs arising from their culture. But virtually all conflict and chaos would quickly fade if the world would only accept its original culture, the one we all possessed not so very long ago. This culture dates back to our premortal existence. It was the culture of Adam and Enoch. It was the culture founded on the Savior’s teachings in the meridian of time, and it is available to all women and men once again in our day. It is unique. It is the greatest of all cultures and comes from the great plan of happiness, authored by God and championed by Christ. It unites rather than divides. It heals rather than harms.
The gospel of Jesus Christ teaches us that there is purpose in life. Our being here is not just some big cosmic accident or mistake! We are here for a reason.
This culture is grounded in the testimony that our Heavenly Father exists, that He is real and loves each one of us individually. We are His “work and [His] glory.”1 This culture espouses the concept of equal worth. There is no recognition of caste or class. We are, after all, brothers and sisters, spirit children of our heavenly parents—literally. There is no prejudice or “us versus them” mentality in the greatest of all cultures. We are all “us.” We are all “them.” We believe that we are responsible and accountable for ourselves, one another, the Church, and our world. Responsibility and accountability are important factors in our growth.
Charity, true Christlike caring, is the bedrock of this culture. We feel real concern for the needs of our fellowman, temporal and spiritual, and act on those feelings. This dispels prejudice and hatred.
This culture champions the principle of agency. The ability to choose is extremely important for our development and our happiness.
It is a culture governed by the priesthood, the authority to act in God’s name, the power of God to bless His children. It edifies and enables individuals to be better people, leaders, mothers, fathers, and companions—and it sanctifies the home.
True miracles abound in this, the oldest of all cultures, wrought by faith in Jesus Christ, the power of the priesthood, prayer, self-improvement, true conversion, and forgiveness.
It is a culture of missionary work. The worth of souls is great.
In the culture of Christ, there is perspective—and eternal focus and direction. This culture is concerned with things of lasting worth! It comes from the gospel of Jesus Christ, which is eternal and explains the why, what, and where of our existence. (It is inclusive, not exclusive.) Because this culture results from the application of our Savior’s teachings, it helps provide a healing balm of which our world is in such desperate need.
What a blessing it is to be part of this grand and noble way of life! To be part of this, the greatest of all cultures, will require change.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is hardly a Western society or an American cultural phenomenon. It is an international church, as it was always meant to be. More than that, it is supernal. New members from around the world bring richness, diversity, and excitement into our ever-growing family. Latter-day Saints everywhere still celebrate and honor their own heritage and heroes, but now they are also part of something far grander. The culture of Christ helps us to see ourselves as we really are, and when seen through the lens of eternity, tempered with righteousness, it serves to increase our ability to fulfill the great plan of happiness.
The challenge of the pandemic will always be a unique part of your missionary story. You literally are a Pioneer of Missionary Work in our day, and the paths you are plowing will be the new way forward for the Gathering of Israel. That is very exciting. But living it day to day as you try and test these new approaches is probably as exciting as pulling a handcart across the plains in the winter time. But you are willing to do it, and do it well. This speaks volumes about who you are, and the type of faith you have. I am proud to say “I have two daughters that have chosen to forge the way in this difficult time!”
Elder Uchtdorf taught us so well at Conference about this challenging time.
God has prepared His children and His Church for this time.
Not long after arriving in the Salt Lake Valley, the Latter-day Saints began building their holy temple. They felt they had finally found a place where they could worship God in peace and be free from persecution.
However, just as the temple foundation was nearing completion, an army of United States soldiers approached to forcibly install a new governor.
Because Church leaders did not know how hostile the army would be, Brigham Young ordered the Saints to evacuate and bury the temple foundation.
I’m sure some members of the Church wondered why their efforts to build God’s kingdom were constantly being frustrated.
Eventually, the danger passed, and the temple foundations were excavated and inspected. It was then that the pioneer builders discovered that some of the original sandstones had cracked, making them unsuitable as a foundation.
Consequently, Brigham had them repair the foundation so that it could adequately support the granite1 walls of the majestic Salt Lake Temple.2 Finally, the Saints could sing the hymn “How Firm a Foundation”3 and know their holy temple was built on a solid foundation that would last for generations.
This story can teach us how God uses adversity to bring about His purposes.
I couldn’t help but think how these trial you currently face are strengthening your foundation upon which generations will stand. I am so grateful for you Hermana Miller!
We Are Seeds
My message today is that even though this pandemic is not what we wanted or expected, God has prepared His children and His Church for this time.
We will endure this, yes. But we will do more than simply grit our teeth, hold on, and wait for things to return to the old normal. We will move forward, and we will be better as a result.
In a way, we are seeds. And for seeds to reach their potential, they must be buried before they can sprout. It is my witness that though at times we may feel buried by the trials of life or surrounded by emotional darkness, the love of God and the blessings of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ will bring something unimaginable to spring forth.
Blessings Come from Hardship
Enoch and his people lived in a time of wickedness, wars, and bloodshed. “But the Lord came and dwelt with his people.” He had something unimaginable in mind for them. He helped them establish Zion—a people “of one heart and one mind” who “dwelt in righteousness.”4
Young Joseph, the son of Jacob, was thrown into a pit, sold into slavery, betrayed, and abandoned.5 Joseph must have wondered if God had forgotten him. God had something unimaginable in mind for Joseph. He used this period of trial to strengthen Joseph’s character and put him in a position to save his family.6
First, the righteous are not given a free pass that allows them to avoid the valleys of shadow. We all must walk through difficult times, for it is in these times of adversity that we learn principles that fortify our characters and cause us to draw closer to God.
Second, our Heavenly Father knows that we suffer, and because we are His children, He will not abandon us.8
My dear friends, my beloved brothers and sisters, God will watch over and shepherd you during these times of uncertainty and fear. He knows you. He hears your pleas. He is faithful and dependable. He will fulfill His promises.
God has something unimaginable in mind for you personally and the Church collectively—a marvelous work and a wonder.
We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet
As a fighter pilot and airline captain, I learned that while I could not choose the adversity I would encounter during a flight, I could choose how I prepared and how I reacted. What is needed during times of crisis is calm and clear-headed trust.
How do we do this?
We face the facts and return to the fundamentals, to the basic gospel principles, to what matters most. You strengthen your private religious behavior—like prayer and scripture study and keeping God’s commandments. Focus on the things you can do and not on the things you cannot do.
You muster your faith. And you listen for the guiding word of the Lord and His prophet to lead you to safety.
Remember, this is the Church of Jesus Christ—He is at the helm.
Brothers and sisters, with Christ at the helm, things will not only be all right; they will be unimaginable.
The Work of Gathering Israel Goes Forward
At first it may have seemed that a worldwide pandemic would be a roadblock to the Lord’s work. For example, traditional methods of sharing the gospel have not been possible. However, the pandemic is revealing new and more creative ways of reaching out to the honest in heart. The work of gathering Israel is increasing in power and enthusiasm. Hundreds and thousands of stories attest to this.
A good friend living in beautiful Norway wrote to Harriet and me about a recent increase in baptisms. “In locations where the Church is small,” she wrote, “twigs will become branches, and branches will become wards!!”
In Latvia, a woman who had discovered the Church by clicking on an internet ad was so excited to learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ that she showed up to her appointment an hour early, and before the missionaries ended the first lesson, she asked for a date to be baptized.
In Eastern Europe, one woman who received a call from the missionaries exclaimed, “Sisters, why haven’t you called earlier? I’ve been waiting!”
Of necessity, we are now learning how to use a variety of methods, including technology, to invite people—in normal and natural ways—to come and see, come and help, and come and belong.
His Work, His Ways
This is the Lord’s work. He invites us to find His ways of doing it, and they may differ from our past experiences.
God has revealed and will continue to reveal His almighty hand. The day will come when we will look back and know that during this time of adversity, God was helping us to find better ways—His ways—to build His kingdom on a firm foundation.
I bear my witness that this is God’s work and He will continue to do many unimaginable things among His children, His people. God holds us in the palm of His caring and compassionate hands.
As an Apostle of the Lord, I invite and bless you to “cheerfully do all things that lie in [your] power; and then may [you] stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.”11 And I promise that the Lord will cause unimaginable things to come from your righteous labors. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
Sadie, the beauty of the Gospel is that if we aren’t what we currently want to be, we can turn to Him, ask for forgiveness and change course. If sincere, He will not only let us start new, He will show us the way forward.
Sister Crave gave a talk called “Keep the Change “(you filthy animal:)
Through Jesus Christ, we are given the strength to make lasting changes. As we humbly turn to Him, He will increase our capacity to change
After hearing the words spoken by King Benjamin, his people cried out, declaring that their hearts had changed, saying, “Because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, … we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.”3 The scriptures do not say that they immediately became perfect; rather, their desire to change compelled them to action. Their change of heart meant putting off the natural man or woman and yielding to the Spirit as they strove to become more like Jesus Christ.
President Henry B. Eyring teaches: “True conversion depends on seeking freely in faith, with great effort and some pain. Then it is the Lord who can grant … the miracle of cleansing and change.”4 Combining our effort with the Savior’s ability to change us, we become new creatures.
Chutes and Ladders that slides you down from the top of the board back to the beginning of the game! It was discouraging! But as I began to understand the doctrine of Christ5 and how to apply it daily in my life, I found hope.
Jesus Christ has given us a continuous pattern for change. He invites us to exercise faith in Him, which inspires us to repent—“which faith and repentance bringeth a change of heart.”6 As we repent and turn our hearts to Him, we gain a greater desire to make and live sacred covenants. We endure to the end by continuing to apply these principles throughout our lives and inviting the Lord to change us. Enduring to the end means changing to the end. I now understand that I am not starting over with each failed attempt, but that with each try, I am continuing my process of change.
There is an inspired phrase in the Young Women theme that states, “I cherish the gift of repentance and seek to improve each day.”7 I pray that we do cherish this beautiful gift and that we are intentional in seeking change. Sometimes the changes we need to make are associated with serious sin. But most often, we strive to refine our character to align ourselves with the attributes of Jesus Christ. Our daily choices will either help or hinder our progress. Small but steady, deliberate changes will help us improve. Do not become discouraged. Change is a lifelong process. I am grateful that in our struggles to change, the Lord is patient with us.
Through Jesus Christ, we are given the strength to make lasting changes. As we humbly turn to Him, He will increase our capacity to change.
In addition to the transforming power of our Savior’s Atonement, the Holy Ghost will support and guide us as we put forth our effort. He can even help us know what changes we need to make.
I occasionally run into friends whom I haven’t seen for many years. Sometimes they say, “You haven’t changed at all!” Each time I hear that, I cringe a little, because I hope I have changed over the years. I hope I have changed since yesterday! I hope I am a little kinder, less judgmental, and more compassionate. I hope I am quicker to respond to the needs of others, and I hope I am just a little bit more patient.
Lastly, I will leave you with Elder Rasband’s talk, I’ve added just a little twist because you are currently “Going Forth Recommended by the Lord”.
Your temple recommend reflects a deep, spiritual intent that you are striving to live the laws of the Lord and love what He loves: humility, meekness, steadfastness, charity, courage, compassion, forgiveness, and obedience. And you commit yourself to those standards when you sign your name to that sacred document.
To be “recommended to the Lord,” we strive to be like Him.
Sadie, continue to study about, and strive for these qualities or talents. He has promised you to double the ten given already given you.
Humility - humility brings with it less sarcasm, more gratitude, a greater understanding of trial and challenge
Meekness - An understanding that anything I am able to accomplish is only because He allowed me to be an instrument. A child like quality with the ability show patience in the midst of adversity. Submissive to whatever He sees fit to inflict upon you.
Steadfastness - firm in the faith. I asked Emma how you were doing the other night as I sensed you being a little flustered, and she said, “Oh, she’s Sadie, she will power through.” There is no doubt in your steadfastness
And the list goes on. Prayerfully go to your Heavenly Father with one of these attributes at a time. Study each out in the scriptures and your mind. Ask Him how you can gain more of these gifts. He will guide you and bless you of that I promise.
As your father, I can say unequivocally, I have been blessed with the very best of children. You being the oldest, setting a powerful example of faith and goodness. I cannot express enough the love I have for you and the admiration I feel for you. Your mom and I are so grateful for who you are and who you continue to strive to become. I promise, as you continue to repent and try, you will look back on these mission years and feel a deep sense of gratitude for all the good you both accomplished and learned. He is proud of you! I am proud of you! Your mom is over the moon proud of you! Keep up the fight, it is worth it!
Love,
Dad
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